"Somewhere" is Nowhere Good

So perhaps the following movie write up is not timely. But in the spirit of using this platform to truly help America (and by "America", I mean the 7 people reading this), I felt it was my duty to spread the word about the cinematic sleep aid, "Somewhere".

"Somewhere" is a little gem brought to you by Sofia Coppola, of "Godfather 3" and pink cans of champagne-fame. I want to like this little entitled hipster, but her latest "film" is so obnoxiously indulgent and story-less, I truly cannot find a single reason to sit through it.

Wait - I lied - the soundtrack (by Phoenix) is slightly above average.

The film, starring Stephen Dorff (still kinda cute, still short) and Elle Fanning (the less annoying sister) plays out like a cautionary tale for all celeb-wannabes who dream of living and/or hanging out at the Chateau Marmont. He's famous. He's rich. He likes hookers.

SURPRISE!

Elle plays his daughter (cue I-have-a-heart-and-I'm-flawed-therefore-I-am-interesting, sledgehammer). After spending a few random days flitting around the infamous LA hotel (remember Eloise? It's like that, but with coke & hookers), he realizes that he needs to get his shit together. I mean, I guess that's what we're supposed to gather.

Hollywood hipster elitist probably think it's brilliant. In the same way they think hemp shirts rock, everyone has a nanny, and seitan is a major food group.

1 out of 5 stars (No movie gets a "0". I got a post out of it, didn't I?)