Yes, Whitney died. Yes, it's tragic. Everyone on the Grammy red carpet is reflecting on the one time they saw her across the room & the impact that moment had on them. It's truly moving.
Here's a question: Where were all of these folks while she was cracked out of her mind for the last 15 years? I'm sure she didn't make it easy, but I mean come on. If people in Missouri aren't shocked by this (and according to Facebook, they are not), how are the idiots who partied with her the night before (and claim she was stumbling around appearing "out of it") blown away by her accidental drowning? Stop acting. Crack is, in fact, whack.
Onto the show...
Our host for tonight's memoriam is L.L. Cool J. I can think of no one better suited to set the tone, than the guy who brought us such hits as "Doin' It" and "Mama Said Knock You Out".
Before we hear what will inevitably be an awkward opening from LL, we are treated to Bruce & his E Streeters opening number "We Take Care of our Own", likely to be played on repeat during the 2012 Prez election. In superficial news, Bruce is holding up quite nicely. Though his Jersey roots are coming out via the fresh spray tan he's sportin'.
Here comes LL with his prayer for Whitney. I suppose it was nice. I was, of course, more interested in the crowd shots. Who's praying (the country section). Who's crying (Tony Bennett). Who's pretending to cry (Nicki Minaj). Why is Lady Gaga wearing Charlotte's Web on her face?
In closing (re: Whitney), this clip did give me the chills. What a waste.
No one can create smooth segue from death & dying to jive & jubilee quite like Bruno Mars. Oddly, I find his songs grating on the radio, but live, he's an entertaining little pocket pal.
Fashion Side Note 1: Nicki Minaj brought the Pope. Is this an homage to Whitney? Wait - Is Whitney hidden under that hood? Is this a reference to the other 'hood? Am I reading into this?
Before we get to see who wins the first televised award of the night, Alicia Keys & Bonnie Raitt (who has been the same age for the last 25 years) are here to honor the other major musician who's death has been overshadowed by Whitney, Miss Etta James. Lovely little jam.
Cut to Adele winning the first of many awards tonight. This one is for Best Pop Performance. Can't question that for one second.
Now I have to pretend not to enjoy Chris Brown's dancing ability as it feels like I'm endorsing girl beaters everywhere. At least the cameras had the decency not to cut to Rihanna in the audience.
Jay & Kanye win best rap duo, but both are unable to attend. Jay is hangin' with his baby Blue. Kanye is doing whatever Kanye does on a Sunday. Laundry.
Foo Fighters. Dave Grohl. He is delicious in his indie rocker indifference. Remember the episode of Friends when Ross made a list of his top 5 celebs (and had it laminated)? If I were to do that, Dave would absolutely make the cut. Yum.
Fashion Side Note 2: I'm gonna go ahead & interpret Katy Perry's all blue theme as her way of mourning the end of her relationship with Russell. Or, maybe she's a method voice over artist.
The winner of the "Duet That Sounded Interesting On Paper But Did Not Translate" award goes to Coldplay and Rihanna. Individually their performances were fine-ish. But together? Nope. Now I get why Bon Iver turned down the opportunity to play.
Oh dear. The Beach Boys tribute is breaking my heart a bit. Maroon Five and Foster The People are not capturing the magic. And sweet jesus, the original Boys make Madonna's halftime performance look downright peppy. I question if they even know that they're singing.
Stevie Wonder is in the house for his annual harmonica-infused appearance. He's introducing Paul McCartney. I'm napping.
Chris Brown, the only name I recognized on the list of Best R&B Album nominees actually wins. This tells me 2 things. 1) America has a short, forgiving memory. 2) It was a slow year for R&B.
The Civils Wars (best artists to perform so far) play a little ditty pre-Taylor Swift (who appears to have taken a cue from Hee-Haw for this particular performance). I wish they were singing this:
Adele appears to have changed into a new black dress to accept her award for Song of the Year. Unfortunately she didn't lose the gum.
Katy Perry, tries to fake everyone out with a faux-technical issue. I wish it had been real.
Fashion Side Note 3: Continuing the primary colors trend, is Captain Subtle, Miss Fergalicious. Everyone needs to stop trying to recapture the JLO green Versace red carpet moment. It's not gonna happen. Especially if you're Fergie. And your spanx are showing.
Adele's performance was solid. It was no "Someone Like You" from last year, but lovely to have her back. Pretty clear that even the egomaniacs in the audience know they can't compete.
Random Observation: Julianne Hough = New Jennifer Aniston? Discuss.
My boy Justin 'Bon Iver' Vernon uncomfortably takes home the award for Best New Artist (3 years after his first album). He did his Indie friends justice by thanking all of the musicians who will never be nominated. I dig him.
In Memoriam is particularly sad this year. Kudos to Jennifer Hudson for a respectable rendition of "I Will Always Love You". Now do us all a favor & stay off the crack.
You know how to make a seamless transition from untimely deaths? A rave circa 1991 starring Chris Brown (#whydoyouget2perfomances), David "I Might Also Be The AV Guy At Your Office" Guetta & 'Lil Wayne.
Nicki Minaj is apparently taking a page from R.Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet" performance of yesteryear. It's all very theatrical. And f'd up. It's making me miss Lady Gaga dripping in blood circa "Paparazzi".
Fashion Side Note 4: Rihanna. Damn girl.
Adele continues her sweep, with Rolling in the Deep winning best album. Not to be confused with best song. Or Record of the year. Which she also won.
This year's "life changing" finale? Lots of old guys singing a song we've never heard of. Nighty night.
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