I continue to be charmed by Catalog Model & her "you better check yourself, bitch" interview etiquette. The fact that her "prize" is this guy, makes it all the more ridiculous:
Date 1: UB (Unidentifiable Brunette) Gets a Date! And it's on a HELICOPTER!
"I kind of want to know what it's like to be alone with him...but I feel as if the foundation has already been laid." - UB (whose name is Nicki)
"I'm having so much fun...I'm with the man of my dreams...It's like God is smiling down on us right now."
Yep, I'm sure you're exactly what he/she/it is focused on.
Uh-oh, it's starts raining on the not-destined-to-be-lovers. They decide to buy authentic "Puerto Rico clothes", which ends up being an all-around unfortunate move for both of them. Ben picks an all white ensemble I can only compare to a doily with sleeves & Nicki selects an ill-fitting scarfblanket. They STUMBLE upon an actual wedding taking place in Vieques, which is, of course, a sign. Noitsnot.
UB (and her rudolph nose) get a rose, despite being a divorcee Ben only wants around for marriage advice. Speaking of, the "speech" that accompanied his rose-gifting sounded a lot like what a recruiter might say to someone who didn't get the job, but sure did try hard. This show is so stupid.
Date 2: A League of Their Own, Starring Catalog Model as Madonna's character, The Slut
The ladies have to compete against each other in their 1970s gym shorts & knee highs to get time with Ben. This show is so stupid.
The girls run around the field doing "drills" before the BIG GAME at Roberto Clemente Stadium (I'm sure this is exactly what Roberto envisioned). Watching this 2 inning game felt a lot like watching my little brothers 13 inning t-ball games. Same pace. Same skill set (no offense Matt).
"Who knew strippers could play baseball."- Catalog Model, Courtney critiquing Lounge Professional, Blakely.
Catalog Model & her victorious back up bitches fly off with Ben while Blakely & her boo-hoo-ers schlep home on the short bus. Sad trombone.
As the winning ladies spend some beach time with Ben, it becomes pretty clear that this race is coming down to Abstinence Club Pres & the Catalog Model.
After Prudey McGee (above) gets the rose, Sluts McGee will not be outdone. She teases the poor dope with promises of some skinny dipping at a later date. Thanks to the previews, we know this is something that is happening, horrifying women with morals nationwide.
Date 3: UB 2 Gets A Date (Apparently her name is Elyse)
This genius gave up her job to be on this show because she "believes in it." Jesus. This show is so stupid.
In case you're counting, they've mentioned the weather 4 times and we're 2 minutes in.
After some lounging on the yacht & frolicking in the ocean, Ben suffers through a dinner on the beach where he's unable to give UB 2 a rose. All 24 years of her are devastated. Will she ever find love, America? Instead of the Limo of Sadness, she has to wade her way through the beach to a dinghy that inevitably takes her right to her coach flight on Southwest Air.
Catalog Courtney's take? "Maybe she drank too much and her Jersey Shore came out."
David Gray is playing again. The rose is thrown into the ocean. Oh good God.
THE FINALE: "I don't know if he's ever skinny dipped with a model before."- I don't need to tell you who said that.
"I'm about to rock your world."
Okay, this girl is honest to God writing her own show. She should be studied. There should be college courses on her. There should be a comic book villainess based on her. I would write all of her quotes down, but then I would have to write absolutely everything she says. This girl knows exactly what to say & what to do. She has a Masters in Reality TV.
Ben, allegedly, feels "crappy" about the "intimate moment" he spent with Courtney. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say he wasn't feeling too crappy last night.
After some sad attempts to remind Ben who they are, the rest of the "ladies" line up for the roses. Everyone gets one except for poor, hiccup weepy Jennifer.
Closing Thought: All of the girls who get sent home seem to ask what they did wrong. Um, you filled out a form and sent in a video to the casting team at The Bachelor. Let's start there.
Until next week, my fellow rose-lovers...
i think about you the entire time i watch this show.
ReplyDeleteI wondered if they bought underwear with the authentic PR clothes cuz those had to be wet too.
ReplyDelete