Part 1: Date with Kacie.
Chemistry Factor: A bad first date with two very nice people.
Most Awkward Moment: A toss up between baton twirling & their first kiss. It was like watching cousins. Ick.
Likeliness For Final 3: Akin to Gingrich's chances at the Republican nomination (see what I did there? I made it smart).
Final Words: Don't worry honey, I'm pretty confident you dodged a bullet.
Part 2: Group Date, aka, "Grown Up Time"
Chemistry Factor: All sorts of cringe-worthy awkward moments. Largely thanks to the community theater "play" & accompanying costumes.
Favorite Quote: "Being a Scorpio, we're super passionate and we're great lovers." -Jugs McGee
Favorite Quote 2: "Blakely is super fakely." -Jacyln
Sad Girl: Jennifer. She seemed genuinely stunned that he was making out with Blakely minutes after kissing her. Then she cried. Sweetheart, this is season 12. Catch on.
Saddest Girl: Blakely. Hearing her chant "he chose me! he chose me!" reminded me of Tiger Woods' Perkin's waitresses selling their stories to US Weekly. Here she is in a Maxim spread. She seems like a super girl.
Part 3: Date with Courtney
Side note: Man she's one crazy bitch.
Side note 2: It's too bad soap operas are a thing of the past, because she would NAIL a role as Stefano Dimera's evil step daughter.
Chemistry Factor: She's got him wrapped. I think he's too dopey to see through it. She'll win.
Advice: Ben: TRUST YOUR GUT. She is too good to be true. Plus, she used to date this guy:
Part 4: The Crying Game
Most Telling Moment: Ben's face after realizing that Blakely was waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs (after already interrupting other "ladies" private time). If he's not starting to see the "RED FLAG"***, he's dumber than he looks (and that's pretty dumb).
Favorite quote: "She's a stage five clinger." - Unknown brunette
Dialog on the Couch With Jenna JessicaParker: Oh good God. I think she seriously needs some help. Like from a professional.
Crying Count: Jenna, check. Blakely, check. Jennifer, check.
Net-net: Ladies, CHECK yourself. You've known this guy for a week. He's not cute. He's sweet, but he's an oaf. Get off the floor. Get off the toilet. Get off the bed. If this is the most important thing you do in your life, you've got way bigger issues than getting a rose.
Signed,
See you next week.
***This sketch may as well be called "The Blakely Story":
http://www.hulu.com/watch/282330/saturday-night-live-red-flag
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