I even appreciate the looks I could never (or would never) pull off.
I don't understand, however, the recent trend of runway looks creeping into the ready-to-wear collections not as inspiration, but instead, as actual ensembles us regular folk are supposed to want to wear.
There's a fine line between unwearable and just bad taste. Let me illustrate for you.
Bad taste:
Unwearable:
Bad Taste:
Unwearable:
You get the gist.
What confuses me is that well-respected magazines known for striking a balance between being fashion-forward and consumer friendly, are telling us that things like this:
and this...
are acceptable. No one will wear pants constructed of every bad pattern imaginable. Nor is there a big market for bubblewrap-inspired dresses. What I find particularly interesting is the above "statement" pieces would be PANNED by the esteemed panel on Project Runway yet these are the very same folks in charge of what we see on these pages.
For all 4 of you that are reading this, I apologize for the late weekend round up. Because of Sunday night's VMAs and the DEMAND for my recap, I went with the awards rundown in favor of sharing the details of my low-key summer weekend...
As per usual, the weekend revolved around food & wine...
New favorite wine bar, Lush (more to come on this place later this week).
Let me start by saying that, yes, I am clear on how stupid award shows are. Stupid celebrities with stupid outfits getting awards for what were (more often than not) stupid songs/movies/performances.
But in a world where people named J-Wow are famous for (allegedly) having STDs, the only movies being made are remakes ("Footloose" makes me want to puke), and the closest thing America can get to royalty is Kim Kardashian, no one should be judging me.
So, to quote the Hemingway of our generation, Pitbull, "sharing is caring", here are my thoughts on the fashion, the performances, and the overall idiocy of the 2011 VMAs. p.s. To keep things light, I will taking a shot every time "the Lord and savior Jesus Christ" gets a shout out.
Selena Gomez. You seem great. Truly. But you lost me with the Bieber thing. And this dress. I don't get the vamp goth train trend (aren't we on to zombies now?). Yes, it's all over the runways, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's good (see shoulder pads and body suits for additional evidence).
Nicki Minaj: The wannabe Gagas trailing down the black carpet are "asstackulous" (to use a new Nicki-ism). Ironically, Miss Thang is the biggest Gaga-offender in this ice cream (thank you for that subtle necklace cue) SARS look. What a fun twist on a killer epidemic.
Adele. Goddess. But if I hear "Rolling in the Deep" one more time I'm going to...nevermind. I'm just going to keep listening because you're a goddess.
OMG, Beyonce & Jay-Z are procreating. Now we know where we're going to get the new Oprah.
When Britney met Selena. Brit-brit is a cougar in this scenario. I can't wait for Justin B to do his version of "Cry Me a River" when Selena cheats on him with one of the guys from "Hunger Games".
Gaga: We get it, you were born this way. I dunno how her performance or the whole androgyny bit (based on the audience shots, no one seems to get it) will be received, but you know what? The girl can sing. And I dig that she finds a new way to sing the same song over & over.
Katy Perry. Is it possible to have Chronic Katy Perry Fatigue Syndrome? If so, I have it.
Best Pop Video: Really? Britney? Is this 1999 all over again? I thought this song was only used for the BRAVO TV credits. Apparently not. First God shout out of the night!
Jay-Z and Kanye: Kanye is dressed like Kid Rock and Jay-Z is paying homage to Run DMC with the oversized hat & the Timberlands, but they killed it. Otis Redding rulz.
Best Rock Video: FOO FIGHTERS FOO FIGHTERS. Holy crap I love me some Dave Grohl. Top 5.
Best Hip Hop Video. Rainbow Brite- I mean Nicki Minaj. GOD SHOUT OUT. I'm sure he's super thrilled about your win.
Best Collaboration: Katy Perry & Kanye. $50 says they've never met in person. Regardless, I do love that E.T. song (I might have a fantasy that revolves around me competing on So You Think You Can Dance, doing a routine to that song choreographed by Little C). NBD.
Adele: Again, goddess. This song breaks my heart every time.
Best Male Video: Justin Bieber thought to thank both God AND Jesus. I really think that's important as lots of impressionable young atheists aren't clear on the fact that they're not the same person. #namedropper
Dammit Chris Brown: I really wish you weren't a girlfriend beater. You. Can. Dance. But, much like drafting Michael Vick in my fantasy team, watching you dance makes me feel guilty. p.s. you're a terrible lip syncer. p.s.s. I love Jay-Z for not standing up. #lovethewayyoulie
Gaga is back: Remember when Michael Jackson (RIP) was on stage with Britney back in '99 thinking he was getting an award, when really he was supposed to be announcing the actual award's existence? Well, tonight's exchange between the male Gaga (we'll call him "Gogo") and Britney (this time receiving MJ's fake award) is almost as bad.
Jordan Catalano and Zoe Saldana: Did anyone else think she said "Young Vagina" as opposed to "Young Giant"? These guys sound like Band of Horses, only not as good. Having said that, they were one of the best performances of the night.
Best Female Video: Sir Gogo wins. Note: Her take on Pacino circa "Scarface" is gettin' old real fast.
Amy Winehouse: Seeing her sing with Tony Bennett actually made me sad. Rumor has it she was sober when she died, which means her body just gave out. Ugh.
Katie Holmes presents video of the year:
1) Why is she there? It would make more sense if she brought her ruler, I mean daughter, Suri.
2) And then Katy Perry wins wearing a cheese Lego on her head. #3hoursicantgetback
Pretty sure I found the perfect song to wrap up tonight's festivities:
I love this time of year. I can't help it. Everything works. The clothes, the football, the weather, the promise of TV that is not ruled by a Kardashian or "Talented" Americans or crazy pageant moms.
I adore the 2 minute preview montages (yes, the ones that make almost all shows look slick & worth watching)....And I look forward to the stress I will experience while trying to organize my DVR programming priorities...And yes, call me an idealist, but I love the promise- no - the hope - that in the mist of the inevitable "Dr. Vegas" and "Cop Rock"s there just might be a "Modern Family" or a "Mad Men"diamond in the ruff.
Below you'll find a link to a few of the new offerings I'm so hoping will be worth my 21-42 minutes each week.
Stay tuned.
"Up All Night"
Maya + Will + Christina = Please, please be as funny as I know you can be.
"Persons of Interest"
Guy from "Lost". Jim Caviezal rebounding from creepy Jesus movie. Gotta be better than anything starting with "CSI".
"The Ringer"
Buffy is back. Sold.
"The River"
Spielberg. That one guy we should know. And that one lady that was in movies a long time ago. And I need a replacement for "Lost".
As a long-standing lover all things Sonny Corinthos, I have to say I am THRILLED about this new trashtastic gift from the E! network.
Here's why this is genius:
1) These actresses were BORN for reality programming. They're not Meryl Streep or even Selma Blair, but they are certainly more capable of faking it than Lauren Conrad or those Kardashian idiots. I mean, being over-dramatic IS THEIR JOB.
2) Unless I'm home sick, I miss all of the back-from-the dead-I slept with your brother-and my 4 year old is suddenly 14-moments. But thanks to E! running EVERYTHING on repeat throughout the week, I can catch this 30 minute treasure whenever it's convenient for me.
3) The major networks are canceling just about all of the soaps (ironically in favor of reality-type programs), therefore catching these "actors" in their real lives may be our only taste of the good stuff.
As previously mentioned, I'm not a whiz in the kitchen.
Every so often the mood strikes me and I'll decide to spend more than the 3 minutes it takes to use the toaster.
Over the weekend I gave Thai Noodle Salad (recipe below) a shot. Here is the RIVETING recap.
Taste: 3 out of 5. The deductions are due to the fact that the recipe came from Woman's Health Magazine (read: too healthy). Up the peanut butter factor in the dressing and I'd give it a 3.5.
Ease: 4 out of 5. It involves boiling water (.5 deduction) and cutting stuff (.5 deduction).
Presentation: 2.5 out of 5. I don't think the folks at Bon Appetit will be calling anytime soon.
Cost: $$$. In general, I find cooking to be expensive. Especially when the recipe calls for the following ingredients:
-black sesame seeds (who has these laying around?)
-buckwheat soba noodles (didn't know what these were).
-rice wine vinegar (all of my cooking friends swear i'll use it ALL the time. uh-huh).
Verdict: Make it. Just follow my improvements (I'm a professional) below.
4 oz extra firm tofu
4 oz buckwheat soba noodles
1/2 cup shredded carrots (buy the pre-shredded kind)
1/2 red bell pepper
1/2 cup edamame (shelled, obvi)
2 TBSP chopped cilantro (I just ripped it by hand, I'm super breezy in the kitchen)
2 tsp black sesame seeds (worth the $)
Dressing:
1 TBSP creamy peanut butter (again, I'd reco 1.5)
2 TBSP rice wine vinegar
2 TBSP low-sodium soy (the reg soy is a-okay)
2 TBSP lime juice (about 1 lime)
1 tsp brown sugar
Boil the noodles.
Chop everything up the veggies & tofu (1/2 inch cubes)
Combine all of the dressing ingredients in one bowl
Toss everything in one bowl once the pasta is cooked
Note: Add some red pepper flakes & coarse salt to counterbalance the health-factor. This isn't "The Biggest Loser".
Yet somehow, I get an inordinate number of "are you related to FILLINTHEBLANKCELEBRITYGIBBS?"-questions.
So just to be clear, below you will find a list of "Gibbs" I am NOT related to (noted with varying levels of disappointment).
Robert Gibbs: White House Press Secretary. Though there's no relation, I am kind of jealous of his job (assuming the position is similar to the way Allison Janey portrayed it on "The West Wing").
He seems a little creepy (especially in this pic).
Andy Gibb: I mean, it's not even spelled right. I've been asked this one enough times that for awhile I was worried I wasn't pronouncing my "s" appropriately.
I love the BeeGees, but no.
Joe Gibbs: Washington Redskins coach. According to Wikipedia, he's big into NASCAR and the NRA. Given my 1/2-hillbilly background, he's the closest on the reality meter, but still, no.
You're not Jim Tressel.
Marla Gibbs: That's right. The lady from "The Jeffersons" and "227". It would please me to know end if this one were true, but unfortunately, nope.
When you kick off your weekend with dinner at The Girl and the Goat, you pretty much expect everything to go downhill from there (man, that place lives up to the hype).
But thanks to the best house guest ever...
Tucker!
...I loved every second. This includes but is not limited to the following:
Dining on pig face...
It's life-changing. I swear it.
Enjoying my surprise flowers...
Jeremy!
And getting a little vitamin D...
Protection!
Though we said goodbye to the Tuckster on Sunday night, knowing that he misses me A LOT helps dull the sadness.
That, and not having to pick up his poop with my hand.
I've decided to conduct a little experiment. It's going to be ground breaking, so stick with me.
Here's the premise:
I want this movie to be good.
But I think there's a real good chance it won't be.
So, to test my spidey senses, I'm going to make a few predictions. Then I will watch the movie and see how accurate I am.
CAN YOU STAND IT?!
Predictions:
1) Anne Hathaway will play the role as she did Jane Eyre (head strong & modern, but vulnerable & alone). Subtract the petticoats, add a good pair of jeggings and we're all set.
2) There will be a "big death" that will bring the lovers together.
3) They will not end up together because she will have moved on. They will, however, exchange a "knowing glance" that could mean they might hook up in the "pretend movie future" (think "The Break-Up").
4) The music will tell me how I should feel at a given moment (this is not a criticism, I love that shit).
You haven't seen me in awhile because I'm too old for your threadbare clothes.
And your uncomfortable platform shoes.
And your owl pendants.
And your bad 90s revival ensembles I rocked the first time 'round.
You get the gist.
Just to really put the nail in my UO coffin, on my last trip there (strictly to purchase a super hipster coffee table book), I heard the following dialog:
Girl 1 (we'll call her Britney): "I was totally going to take Brandon to the grab-a-date, but he lost his fake."
Girl 2 (we'll call her Mandy): "Is he Pike or a Sigma Chi?"
Who should come? (it needs to feel crowded, but not too crowded)
What time does it start? (late, but not too late)
Where should it be? (i don't want to clean my place)
And what if it's a surprise? I mean, that's a horse of a whole different color (do people say that?)
Anyway, setting the standards high for those of us yet to turn 40 (to be clear, I have PLENTY of time), my friend threw a surprise 40th soiree for her husband on Saturday.
As you would expect, there were lots of lies & secrets & hiding places required to pull it off...but it was a hit.
The birthday boy, seconds after the surprise.
All of the craftiness paid off!
Thank you, Etsy.
Not different from college.
Different from college.
Party people.
Weird shots in syringes.
Cake fail. Hoping it's not a sign that the 40 candle caught the cake on fire.
