I LOVE fashion.
I LOVE award shows.
This makes EMMY night 5 must-see hours of programming.
As always, I'm settled in with my besties Guiliana & Ryan. I've decided not to make fun of them this year. I've accepted that they're actually pretty solid at what they do (even if they are fame whores in need of a dose of reality).
To keep things interesting for me (and potentially, you), I'm going to serve up the commentary with my very own awards. Enjoy.
Best oopsie woopsie we wore (almost) the same dress: Nina Dobrev & Kathy Griffin & Adrienne Palicki.
FASHION BLAST: I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS IS BUT IT'S IN ALL CAPPS AND RUNNING IN THE TICKER ALONG THE BOTTOM OF MY TV SCREEN. THE BREAKING NEWS HAS TO DO WITH JANE LYNCH WEARING 4 DIFFERENT DRESSES.
Best female voice in a male body: Ross Matthews. Oh Ross, I love you in small doses, but tonight is just an extra big dose.
Most likely to be the victim of my stalking: Cat Deely
Biggest poser LITERALLY (see also: Least Likely to be the victim of my stalking): Lea Michelle
Man I predict to be the biggest douche in real life: Ian Somerhalder
Dress most likely to double as a space ship: Juliana Margulies
Best acting: The Charlie's Angels pretending to like each other. Not since the first season of Desperate Housewives has a group of women disliked each other so passive aggressively. Ignore Drew. She always looks like that.
Most consistently disappointing use of a bangin' body: Christina Hendricks
COMMERCIAL BREAK: What's up with the Charlize Theron Dior moviemercial? What happened to her? She was an awards streak until she stopped trying to be ugly.
Best use of dyed saran wrap: Padma Lakshmi
Best use of hypercolor technology in evening wear: Claire Danes
Best unexpected transformation: Aubrey Plaza
Most deserving, but least likely to win (see also: celebrity I wish people compared me to): Connie Britton
Celebrity I've been told I look like no less than 8 times in the last 3 weeks: Maria Bello
Trying to take as compliment but she is 10 years older than me.
Best prom dress I never had (or wanted): Zooey Deschanel (note: I want to watch your show, but not if you wear curtains with rope wrapped around it. In related news, your indiehippybird-act is wearing on me).
Best couple ever: Amy Poehler & Will Arnett. Seriously they're amazebots.
Roller coaster celebrity award (IloveyouIhateyouIloveyouIhateyou): Gwenyth.
Best use of dyed toilet paper vomit: Heidi Klum
Best dressed by a mile: Kate Winslet. Damn.
Time for the show......
Liking the Jane Lynch opener. Not quite Jimmy Fallon's musical genius from last year, but I"ll take it. And also, she should not wear dresses.
In what might be the worst Glee-inspired move of 2011, the band of singers stage left, is tracking (or am I supposed to say "trending") to be biggest fail of the night (but it's early). Come on Joel McHale. You're 0 for 2.
Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy: Julie Bowen (I dig her, but man she needs to eat a casserole and also, I see her left nip).
CHARLIE SHEEN IS TALKING AND IT'S MAKING ME NERVOUS. THEY AREN'T CUTTING TO THE AUDIENCE BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL THINKING THE SAME THING I AM. #apologyfail
Best Actor in a Comedy: That guy from The Big Bang Theory again.
Best Actress in a Comedy: GENIUS BIT (Yes, I know it was scripted, but I don't care). WOMEN ARE FUNNIER THAN MEN. If you missed their bit, find it on youtube. And congrats to Melissa McCarthy, who I'm pretty sure won because of "Bridesmaids" run-off, but whateves.
In a series of unsurprising/uninteresting awards:
Best Reality Show: Amazing Race
Best Musical/Variety/Whatever this category is: The Daily Show
LONEY ISLAND IS PERFORMING WITH MICHAEL BOLTON AND MAYA RUDOLPH. AND AKON. Good stuff.
Why is Sookie there? And also, is Scott Caan technically a little person?
Best Writing for a Drama Series: FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS!!!! Finally some love for the best show on TV.
Best Supporting Actress in a Drama: Margo Matrtindale. I gasped when it looked like she wasn't getting up the steps, but Ashton saved her. In other news, if you're not watching Justified, you should be.
Best Supporting Actor in a Drama: Peter Dinklage. He's great on "Game of Thrones". And also, he's handsome. For serious.
Martin Scorcese wins for directing something because he's there.
Best Actress in a Drama: I don't care what Nurse Hathaway is saying in her stupid space ship dress. Tammy Taylor should be up there.
BEST ACTOR IN A DRAMA: COACH TAYLOR COACH TAYLOR COACH TAYLOR!
Boring Miniseries awards go to a series of British people.
Um, is the in memoriam for serious? They're walking up the aisles. People in the seats can't tell if it's real or if The Lonely Island are back.
Best Actor/Actress in a Miniseries or Move: Guy Pearce and Kate Winslet. I'm good with this. Mainly because I actually saw their performances and they were solid. I also dig that Kate is pretty clear on the fact she's psyched she won. Love that honesty.
Best Drama: Ehh. Mad Men. I mean, I like the show, I do. But it's no FNL.
Until next time...
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