Giving Thanks

Happy T-Day to anyone who happens to stop by this morning...

With an 8k under my belt and a turkey almost ready to eat, I am thankful for my urban family who will no doubt keep me laughing and happy all day long.

They are helping me get through my first Turkey-day away from my regular family.

Happy eating!

This is How I Know I Watch Too Many Lifetime Movies

First, let me set the scene.

It's a cold, rainy afternoon in Chicago. I'm running back to work after a doctor's appointment, trying to avoid the tourists obsessing over the Christmas windows at Macy's.

At one section of the street, I encountered one of those makeshift construction thingys that are only useful for pedestrians on rainy days. But because I had my umbrella, I skipped the brief reprieve from the rain and walked around it, braving the elements.

THIS IS WHEN THE DRAMATIC PART HAPPENS.

A random (umbrella-less) lady standing under the construction thingy stuck her arm out in front of me and asked me to put her envelope in the mailbox directly to my right. I was confused (my headphones were in), so I had to ask her to repeat herself. Apparently she was avoiding going out in the rain. Forgive me for saying this, but she seemed a little...off. Because I didn't want to be the crazy lady who refused to help the (crazier) lady in a head to toe purple puffy jacket, I passed the envelope from her to the big blue box. As I walked away, she asked me to make sure it went in the box. I just kept walking.

Here's where my made for TV movie mind took over.

I didn't like touching that envelope. What was in it? What did I touch? I noticed as I was dropping it in the box that it was addressed to a law office. Who is she suing? Who is suing her? Who did she kill? Who is after her? Are they after me now? Did she steal someone's baby? Did she kidnap a pregnant lady so that she can deliver & then keep that baby?

Is she...

Or maybe she's the "mother" in...

Or worst of all, she's this lady all grown up (and pissed)...

Oh dear.

Even as I type this I know how crazy it sounds. Am I 20 years away from being the crazy lady in the purple jacket? Maybe I should just stop watching Lifetime.

Nah. THAT would be crazy.

Weekend Roundup: Where Did November Go?

This weekend started with me starring in my very own one woman show, "Grumpy & Hormonal: A Tale of Woman Not Encouraged by a Colorful Box of Tampons."

To spare anyone from my wrath, I spent Friday night with Vivi my manicurist, my best friend, "DVR", and a gluten-free pizza with a dark chocolate bar chaser.

I'm a real treat.

Saturday I woke up with a renewed sense optimism. It probably helped that I slept for 11 hours and got to have breakfast at my favorite brunch spot, Meli.

My new-found positivity was challenged by our 2 hour trip to Whole Foods. Grocery shopping is not as fun when you have very specific things you must buy. For our upcoming "Friendsgiving", I am in charge of the stuffing and the cobbler. Not hard. Yet somehow impossible.

Saturday night we indulged in some Italian gluttony at Chicago treasure, Rose Angelis.

Sunday started with a 5 mile run (prepping for the Turkey Trot) and ended with a great little movie "The Descendants" (more on that later this week).

Looking forward to a short week & some much needed friend time.

AMAs: Adults Making Assess (of themselves)

I won't waste any time telling you that watching the AMAs in their entirety was a colossal waste of time. We knew that going in, didn't we?

Because the show is performance heavy (and these awards mean less than most award shows), I'll keep my quips short, sweet & focused on the "singing".

1) Nicki Minaj & David Guetta. She's wearing scrap metal. The forgotten Transformer. I don't know who he is. Pretty sure I don't care.

2) Justin Bieber. That white leather track suit with matching shoes (that have to be 12 sizes too big) are totally working. SIKE. You're not fooling us with this talk of "kissing under the mistletoe". We know about that baby.

3) The Band Perry. I actually like this song. DON'T HATE ME. It makes my heart hurt. Having said that, those guys in the back (her "brothers") creep me out. Put a hat on.

**Nicki Minaj just won something. She can't walk in her 10 inch heels and also, she looks like Lily Pulitzer puked on her.

4) Chris Brown. You can't really sing, so let's just accept that. You can, however, dance. Doesn't really matter though. You hit girls.

My fave performance from 2010.

5) Kelly Clarkson. Oh dear. I want to get behind the "Newsies" theme, but it's falling super flat. And your take on Jessica Rabbit, while not "flat", is not working.

**Taylor Swift just accepted an award from the creepiest band of boys this side of Children of the Corn. I don't know who they are and I hope to never see them again.

6) Enrique Iglesias. "I Like How It Feels". About as subtle as "Tonight I'm F%%$ing You". I don't care if you put a children's choir & trampoline behind you. We know what you're talking about. Though, I do love me some preppy Luda.

7) One Republic. Holy pitchfest. Man, I hate this song. The sing/rap bit BUGS. They are one season away from performing at Lincoln Park's Winterfest Zoo Lights.

8) Pitbull, Marc Anthony, & Lil John. I don't know these songs. I don't want to know these songs. Pitbull personifies every single reason I avoid the club circuit. Marc Anthony reminds me why I eat regular meals (the veins popping out of his skeletor body freak me out). Lil' John, I thought you passed away. Happy to see I was wrong.

9) Katy Perry. I like you better when you're not trying to dance (because let's be clear, you cannot). Look, we get it. You like pink. But tonight's Jetsons meets Warren Jeffs number is just bad.

**AHHHHHH! Those horrible boys are back. Who is the F is Hot Chelle Rae? They cannot be for real.

10) Jennifer Lopez. Look at you trying to sing. Oh wait! You trickster. Thank God you're not re-enacting that stupid Fiat commercial. Spoke to soon. Holy shameless sell out. Now you're doing Britney circa 1999. You're someone's mother for God's sake.

11) Mary J Blige. I know that you are talented & classier than most of the people in the audience, but I cannot name one song that you sing. Watching you dance in Pitbull's pantsuit is making me uncomfortable.

12) Maroon 5. Man these guys are douchey, but dammit if their songs aren't catchy. Oh dear Lord Christina. Girlfriend, you are no longer a Genie in a Bottle. More like a Buddha in a Sausage Casing. Get a stylist.

**Taylor Swift just told Selena Gomez that Jennifer Lopez is speaking Spanish. Sharp knife that T-Swift.

13) Drake. Ehh. You're no Jay. You're no Luda.

**Nick Lachey's second wife just told me that the finale is THE BEST THING I'LL EVER SEE. If that turns out to be true, it will confirm only that my life is in need of some redirection.

14) Daughtry. Much like Nickelback, I would like you to go away. That is all.

15)  Will.I.Am, JLo and Tetris. You know what you 2? YOU can 'Go Hard' or 'Go Home'.

THE GRAND FINALE THAT IS GOING TO CHANGE MY LIFE FEATURES L.M.F.A.O. DAVID HASSELHOFF AND THAT LIP SYNCING BOY FROM YOUTUBE.

BYE BYE!

Someone Like You - The Gift That Just Keeps Giving

Fact: "Someone Like You" by Adele is probably one of the most heartbreaking ballads ever written. Unless you are a vampire and/or some other heartless beast, you feel something when you hear this song.

Watch this video to hear the background story & to hear her sing it live.

Now that you're bawling, onto the point of this post.

In the last week, 2 hugely popular shows incorporated this very song into their respective plotlines. Below you will find a recap & video.

"Glee"

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

Much like the rest of America, "Glee" has moved from appointment television to I'll-catch-it-if-I'm-home-television. The ratings have dipped drastically this season, largely due to the overuse of showtunes, guest stars, and - oh yeah - horribly glaring stereotypes portrayed by some of it's once endearing characters.

Allegedly Ryan Murphy, the show's creator, is going to steer the show back to its roots for the back half of season 3. In retrospect, I'm not sure I'm convinced those "roots" were that great to begin with, but it may be too late anyway. These "kids" are 27.

Anyway, I'm not here to jump on "Glee"'s hater wagon. Instead, I want to give the show props for arguably the best mash-up those kooky-kids have ever done. Emotionally charged. Lyrically pretty stellar. And damn they can dance.

"SNL"

As with all seasons of SNL (since 1988 anyway), the sketches tend to be hit or miss. This past weekend, pleasedon'tdoanythingstupidbecauseIreallylikeyou (aka Emma Stone), hosted for the second time. She gave it her all, despite the fact that the material didn't quite do her justice.

Either way, the 2nd to last skit also featured Adele's instant classic ballad. The insight they tapped into (one that I've discussed with MANY friends prior to airing of this show), gives me hope that the writers over there are paying attention (and that Kristen Wiig doesn't have to lead every skit for it to have a chance of being funny). Watch it here (before NBC pulls it down):

You're welcome.

The Death of a Shirt

Warning: This is a very upsetting post. It describes events that happened 2 weeks ago. I'm just now coming to grips with it.

<yogabreathing>

All Summer I stalked a shirt on shopbop, waiting for it to go on sale.

Joie.
Cream.
Silk.
Perfectly tailored.

Like this one, but not exactly:

When I wore mine, I did not make the face she's making.

Anyway, I wore the shirt exactly twice.

Then I brought it to the dry cleaners. At least I think I did. But it disappeared. Maybe they lost it. Maybe I dropped it on my way to the dry cleaners. Maybe the TSA lady who inspected my bag loved it as much as I did and decided to steal it.

Either way, it's gone. No one to blame. No one to get mad at. Just $117 + tax down the drain.

At least I have this picture to remind me of what could have been:

I guess if you're gonna go out, spending your final day in Napa isn't so bad.

RIP Joie.

Grocery Must-Haves (the healthy edition)

I am a creature of habit.

Though my habits continue to evolve as I get older (and allegedly wiser), I still find myself drawn to the same items at the grocery store each week.

Though I can't really afford it, I've officially bought into the Whole Foods craze. I believe that their blueberries are better and their baked goods are better for me. I realize it's not the most efficient way to spend my $$, but my time (and my inside parts) are worth the extra $.10 per bunch of bananas. Plus, I like hippies. In small doses, anyway.

Here is my current list of musts:

1) Almond Milk. I have it in my cereal & my coffee every morning (creature.of.habit). I never thought I would abandon the stuff that comes straight out of the cow, but after reading Self, Women's Health, and Shape for 15 years, I've started to buy into it. I am now confident it is better for me and the fact that it tastes like vanilla is a bonus.

2) Cheese. Of any variety. Cheddar. Mozzarella. Provolone. Goat. Feta. Sometimes all of the above. I try to buy a mix of regular, low-fat, & gluten free so that I can feel better about the obsessive dairy intake.

3) Barbara's Puffins. Potentially the WORST name for a cereal ever, but they mix perfectly with fruit & almond milk. I highly recommend. Note: They are NOT as good as a bowl of Honeycombs or Frosted Flakes. But in the grand scheme of eating healthy, they're not so bad.

4) Panda's All Natural Licorice. Let's be honest, there's nothing "natural" about this stuff, but I love it. I buy the individually wrapped ones by the handful (helps with my portion control issues). It looks a bit like beef jerky, but whateves. It satisfies my sweet tooth (in the same way an english muffin is as a good as a bagel. It's not, but sometimes it has to be enough).

 

5) Quinoa pre-made packs. The ultimate lazy girl gift. Sometimes I want to dive into a bowl of pasta. Those evenings, I do just that. But on the nights I feel like being good, but need something hearty, I pop one of these in the microwave and eat it right out of the bag. I'm super classy.

 

Before you go judging my boring, healthy foods, please note these are only 5 of the $140 worth of groceries I seem to need on a bi-monthly basis. They're not all "natural" or "grain". But in order for me to justify eating out as often as I do, I HAVE to put something healthy in my body on the off nights.

Happy shopping.