Near Perfect Meal

Low carb.
Low fat.
Low sodium.
Low sugar.

BLECH.

Yes, I know this is how we're supposed to eat. And, for the most part, I do pretty well.

But every so often, I spit in the face of that stupid triangle by diving face first into my near perfect meal.

Cafe Luigi:

2 please.

Sweet Mandy B's:

Best place in town. Hands down.

When it comes to eating the good stuff, go big or go home. 

In Case You Hadn't Heard, Mad Men Is Back.

And I don't think I care.

Especially not after this:

I know all of the cool, intellectual types will be quick to remind me that shows like "Mad Men" are all about the slow build. After a 17 month hiatus, I get that we need some time to see where the characters have landed and what, exactly, this season will be all about.

SPOILER ALERT: THE SECRET WORD IS, INSECURITIES.

Love me! Need me! Worship me!

Megan is worried she only got promoted because she's married to Don. (Duh)
Pete thinks none of the partners respect him. (They don't)
Don, a shadow of his once confident self, is freaked his real/fake worlds are all crumbling. (They are)
Joan, not feeling particularly maternal, rushes back to work in fear they've replaced her. (Never)
Roger knows his position as partner is shaky with the loss of his one & only account. (It is)

The most insecure one of the bunch, Bitchy Betty, didn't even make an appearance. Maybe she'll pull an about face and go from my least to most favorite character this season.

Will I keep watching? Yes. But with "Game of Thrones", "The Killing", & "Shameless" all vying for my attention on Sunday nights. These whiney drolls better up their game.

This Gives a Whole New Meaning to "Put A Bird On It"

First off, ick.

And also, puke. Literally.

We laugh at the folks on "Portlandia" when they mock the crunchy hipsters who insist upon 'putting a bird' on everything, but never have they suggested actually being a bird. Why?

BECAUSE WE'RE PEOPLE.

Turns out Alicia needs to take a hint from the film that made her famous. Get a clue you weirdo.

p.s. Because this is worth sharing a second time. If you haven't watched, please do:

Watch This Now: Downton Abbey

I grew up on soap operas.

I learned how to talk to myself while looking out a window, argue in full make up, come back to life, and most importantly, age 10 years in one month (just like Shawn Brady).

 Happy holidays.

One of the great tragedies of our generation has been the cancellation of these delicious gems (RIP "All My Children").  This sad reality made the discovery of "Downton Abbey" that much sweeter.

We are British and we rule.

If you haven't heard of this one, it's probably because it's on PBS. This singular fact makes me feel tremendously smart. It's like NPR, but on TV.

Synopsis: Downton Abbey is a huge English manor run by Earl & Countess Grantham. In case you're wondering, "running a house" equates to wearing fabulous ensembles to every meal, walking the grounds, and looking for a husband. The real heroes on this show are the butlers, footman, cooks & maids who do all of the dirty work - literally. 

 We know all your secrets, stupid rich people.

The show really excels when these two worlds collide. The feisty sister who helps her maid secure a better future. The loyal relationship between the Earl & his haunted footman. The beautiful bitchy daughter whose big 'ol whoopsie dasiy is covered up by her loyal minions.

It all plays out like one big classy soap. Only here, the acting is good, the stories aren't predictable, and I think it's safe to say that no one will be possessed by the devil.

Oh, Marlena.

Fringe benefit? You'll actually be supporting public television. The last time you did that Mr. Rogers was taking you to the Land of Make Believe. Besides, who wouldn't want to live in a world where being a Countess is possible, wearing Oscar-worthy gowns on a daily basis is the norm & no one has ever heard the term "gluten free".

Download the first season (7 episodes) here.

Weekend Roundup: Family Time

After a long week spent in LA in rooms that look a lot like this:

Making commercials is a snooooooze.

I was thrilled to come home to a weekend hanging out with this guy:

Tucker!

Any time Joyce & Jeff are in town, good food, shopping & (very) early mornings are on the docket.

Highlight meal had to be dinner at Balena, one of the new hot spots in Lincoln Park.

Way better than Landmark.

J&J will be missed, but it will be a few short weeks before we're heading to South Carolina to celebrate their 40th (FORTY YEARS) anniversary.

No more hiatus. All 6 of my faithful readers were VERY angry I left them SGF-free. Never again.

Embracing Color

I like gray. And camel. And slate gray. And beige.

I can't help it. I'm drawn to it.

I've successfully avoided the color trend until recently when I just couldn't pass up the following:

Buy them here.

Buy them here.

Loving "go overboard" and "play date". 

There will be no pinks,  yellows, or neons for me, but a little brightening can't hurt. 

Weekend Roundup: Summer in the City

All anyone can talk about is the insanely beautiful weather we're having here in Chicago. 80 degrees is a rarity in this city in June, let alone March.

While I'm enjoying the coat-free temps, it's not exactly changing my world so much that I can't talk about anything else.

Friday night I made my way the Rag & Bone Fall preview show. Indulged in a new pair of jeans (I'm embracing color, more on that later this week) & even got to chat with Mr. Rag & Mr. Bone.

Thankfully, those are not their names.

Spent Saturday packing up the first of many boxes in preparation for our upcoming move...

Strange how few boxes I need to pack away my entire life.

Easily the most exciting development of the weekend is the gift of my very own iPad!

Thank you, Jeremy!

Long weekend ahead with a trip to LA in my future. Happy SummerSpring.

Random Laughs

I recently stumbled across the site happyplace.com while searching for the perfect snarky card on someecards.com.  The site posts all kinds of ridiculous everyday photos of people (kids, adults, whomever), saying what's on their mind.

A few shots are particularly relatable. I've included them here.

I do not keep candy at my desk for this very reason.

Our "opening seating" here in ad-land allows me to hear all the latest in my co-worker's lives.

"That's what she said" never gets old.

I love font snobs.

If you're looking for yet another way to waste time online, check it out.

The REAL 21 Jump Street

Confession: In 1988, I may have written a fan letter to Johnny Depp.

There's a chance I got his address out of the back of this prestigious publication:

The brilliant docudrama "21 Jump Street" is the reason for my obsession. And really, who can blame me?

This show paved the way for the WB Network, Jason Priestly & let's be honest, graffiti art.

Teen angst? check.
Forbidden love? confirmed.
Old people playing teenagers? naturally.

Johnny was unable to return my love letter with the glossy 8x11 I was promised, but I understand. He was very busy hanging out with River Phoenix & Juliette Lewis at the Viper Room.

Thanks to my brother's generosity, I just became the proud owner of these:

That's right. Trading cards. Here's my favorite one:

Five for danger!

With the release of the new "21 Jump Street" this weekend, I feel it is my duty to let all 7 of you know the following:

IT'S NOT REAL.

Based on the trailer alone, the only thing the movie has in common with the TV show is the cops-as- narcs premise. As a true fan & believer in all that "21 Jump Street" stands for, I am offended by this "remake" and will be banning all films starring Channing Tatum & whatever his wife's name is for the next year.

TAKE THAT.

Just because I can, please watch the clip below. It's preeeetty incredible.

Songs That Are Good

My latest itunes expenditure includes the following tracks (not necessarily based on the videos, so no judging):

"Bad Girls" - M.I.A. (she's a nut, but dammit if her beats aren't catchy)

"Can't Believe a Single Word" - VHS or Beta (this is more of a rediscovery. great for spring/summer bee-bopin' around town.

"Lights Bassnectar Remix" - Ellie Goulding (if you like the original, this will not disappoint)

"Hand Claps & Guitars" - Chiddy Bang (this whole album is great, get it)

"Midnight City - Hurry up, We're dreaming (a good one for cardio vascular & such)

"It Will Rain" - Bruno Mars (cool factor just went down, i know)

"Safe & Sound" - The Civil Wars & Taylor Swift (she BUGS, but they are so awesome it cancels her out)

Thanks to my buddy P-Talaba for a lot of these recos.

Bachelor Recap: It's All Over

Oh rose lovers, it's time for our MONUMENTAL MOUNTAINOUS MOMENT.

We have to suffer through 120 minutes of puffery before we get to the good stuff.

Until then, we're back in Switzerland (cut to the first of 36 gratuitous mountain shots) where Ben has been joined by his remaining "ladies" + his robo-mom (seriously, is she there?) and his seemingly level-headed sister, Julia.

Please note the mom's vest. Ben borrows it later in the episode. 

Ben shares his fears about both women - he's confused. They feign concern while the rest of America knows the only thing he's worried about is whether or not everyone in the country hates the one he wants to pick.

Up first, we've got Lindzi  in all of her "lights up a room"-glory. She's gotta know this isn't happening, right? Anyhoo, mom & sis would give her a first impression rose if they had one to give out. Oh Lindz. What an awkward charmer you are.

She remains classy when Julia (who I'm pretty confident would cut a b!tch) asks her about Courtney. She describes her only as "different from me" (um, yes) and continues to laugh at nothing.

She's a raging bitch. Please see through my incessant giggling.

Next up, Courtney arrives, trying her hardest to be a normal girl (while speaking in a voice that has dogs everywhere howling). Playing the role of "model next door", she dresses in her very best baby doll dress & tights, cooing over her little Benny-Boo. The reign of terror continues, as she is able to win over both robo-mom (which doesn't really count because she's clearly medicated), and the seemingly smart sister.

I'd rather be sleeping.

Ben & his mom (inexplicably wearing matching coats) discuss both women. Illustrating that the apple has fallen directly from this dense tree, both women assure him that Courtney is the right choice, sor Lindz.

Is that hat cutting off your circulation? 

Um, okay. Can we jump to the after-show? The next 40 minutes are POINTLESS.

FINAL DATE EVER: LINDZ PUTS HER BEST ORANGE FOOT FORWARD: 

Extreme sports metaphor: "It's my first time skiing and I'm scared, but it's just like
relationships, you just have to take a risk."

The two find themselves trapped in a gondola reliving their 4 (count 'em) 4 dates that have lead to this very special, authentic place.

The gondola makes its way up the mountain so they can tandem ski. BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS EASIER WHEN YOU'RE LITERALLY CONNECTED AT THE HIP. Man this is stupid. I'm so glad the instrumental version of "This Year's Love" is playing, otherwise I wouldn't know how to feel.

COURTNEY, HER SQUEAL & ANOTHER PAIR OF GLOVES: 

Our two faves find themselves in a helicopter - of course they are - venturing to the top of the Materhorn for a picnic, some snow angels & sledding. We hear them discuss their "journey" for the 5th time (as there have been approximately that many dates) while discussing their future babies.

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! WE HAVE NEVER RUN ERRANDS TOGETHER!

Ben wears his mom's vest from earlier in the trip to visit with Courts one last time. Awwww, she made him a photo album - OF COURSE SHE DID. He can't seem to figure out where she got all of the photos. Um, maybe those cameras following you around had something to do with it. She loves him. He looks on longingly while saying nothing. The end.

After watching Ben wander the streets of Switzerland with his internal monologue booming in all of our ears, we hear him utter the 5 words we know he knows: feelings, journey, hurdles, incredible, rose. Then Neil Lane shows up (as he's apt to do), with a plate full of diamonds.

Hey Neil, nice to see you. AGAIN.

While the ladies throw their respective capes on & head to the top of the mountain (a dangerous spot to dump someone), we hear them both professing their love one last time.

Ben places himself in the middle of a Swiss Miss commercial and waits for his ladies. First out of the copter? SURPRISE. SIKE.

I love "Once Upon A Time" on ABC.

Ben: "you're all about first impressions" OUCH. Apparently everything after that first moment has been downhill. Thanks for the memories, but this ain't gonna happen.

At first, I am proud of Lindz for how well she's taking it. And then she said:

"IF THINGS DON'T WORK OUT, CALL ME". Come on, girl.

Off she jets in the helicopter of sadness. Don't worry hon. You've got that horse waitin' for yah back home.

Here we go my friends, the moment I predicted many weeks ago...Catalog Courts and her black widow gloves are, in fact, WINNING.

The look on her face is that of someone who just won $25 in the slots.

KILL SHOT.

She removes her OJ Simpson gloves so he can slip the rock on her shaking finger. She says she will love him FOREVER (mmhmm). Let's see how we do in hour 3.

AFTER THE ROSE
Well, guys, it's happened. I have no more energy to write words about these two idiots. Dr. Rose brings Ben out immediately so he can address the US Magazine images that show him kissing other women. He swears he didn't cheat (despite the oopsiwoopsie images). No one cares enough to question him.

Courtney, in her shiney white gauze wrap, is trying so very hard to convince the studio audience (who clearly thinks she's the devil in disguise) that she loves the big dumb oaf. I believe that she is nailing this performance.

Apparently the two lovebirds have hit a rough patch (what with Ben actually watching the show & realizing she's a nut-job), but you know what, he should have stuck by his "lady". He knows that now and he sure hopes she can forgive him. Thank goodness Dr. Rose is there to provide them with the most public therapy session ever. So many tears. Are they real human tears? Who knows. And also, who cares. Let's place that rock back on her finger so we can keep this charade going.

I promise to love you forever another month or so.

Courtney: You are officially the Queen Of The Reality Bitches. It has been a pleasure tracking your every calculated move. I will miss you.

Ben: Good luck. Just in general. Good luck.

Now, onto EMILY.

MONDAY

Dragged my butt out of bed to go for a run. Made it all the way outside and found this:

Exercise Fail.

But you know what? Nothin' is gonna get me down today. Because tonight I get to eat Skyline & watch the finale of the worst best season of The Bachelor, ever.

I expect the first 2 hours to be a snooze, but the last hour? It's gonna be epic.

I'm almost gonna miss this big, dumb oaf.

"Like Crazy". Like, snoozy.

Lately, I've been on a bit of an indie movie kick. In addition to "Martha Marcy Mae Marelene" , I also sat through "Like Crazy", starring Felicity Jones & Anton Yelchin.

They seem delightful.

After all of the (studio-induced) buzz, I was pretty psyched to find this one On Demand. Perfect way to spend a quiet Tuesday night. Turns out it was a super, super quiet Tuesday night.

In a nut-shell:

She's British. He's American. They meet in the states. She violates the terms of her visa and therefore cannot stay. Long distance angst ensues.

The good parts:

They're both lovely in their imperfect beauty. I bought the chemistry & the young love bliss. 

The not as good parts: 

Good god it was boring. All of the forlorn glances. And gratuitous shots of the 2 of them at sunset (apparently the only time dramatic things happen). 

Hurry! It's sunset. Time for something romantic to happen.

Let's talk about how in love we are before the sun goes down.

Much like sunsets, our love is not going to last.

A whole lotta nothing goes down. Sometimes that's okay in a little slice-o-life film. But not this one. Nail in the coffin? I found myself resisting the urge to fast forward. 

Skip it. 

Product Review: Kate Sommerville

Apologies to the 3 men who read this blog as the following post is not likely to appeal to you (though it should as exfoliating is important!)

I recently started using the Kate Sommerville line of products. You may remember that I was using Rexaline for about 6 months and loving it. Apparently I was the only one using it as they've discontinued the product. So back to the Sephora shelves I ventured, looking for something overpriced with packaging I find appealing.

Based on the above criteria & the fact that celebrities get facials at her spa in LA, I decided to try the Sommerville line, purchasing one of her starter kits.

Look how pretty the girl on the box is!

Overall, I've been disappointed. I rarely breakout, but ever since I started using the daily regimen, my skin has been irritated. It smells good & I really want to like it, but my face is pretty clearly saying "NOPE".

On the upside, the "bonus" product that came in the kit ("ExfoliKate") is the one thing I will continue to use. It's a pretty aggressive exfoliant, so they reco only using it once or twice a week. It works. The day after I use it, people ask me if I just got a facial. So this one I would reco (it is sold separately).

Try to look past the stupid name.

I'm moving onto the Murad line to see how I like it. STAY TUNED.

Martha Marcy May Marlene

Top 5 reasons you should see the following:

1) You know how I know a film is good? When I find myself googling reviews after watching it to get other's opinions.
2) This is not a film to watch while doing other things. The edit is a clever back & forth between the protagonist's two worlds - the cult she recently escaped from and the "family" she makes her way back to. Watching her struggle to define what's real and what's not is totally compelling.
3) If you're curious as to how people are lured into a cult, this film will show you. It holds nothing back. It's a sick, sick world that actually exists in modern times.
4) If you like films that wrap up with a pretty bow, this one is not for you. It leaves you feeling as unsettled in the final seconds as it does for the 1 hour & 42 minute run time.
5) Elizabeth Olsen is the one to watch in the infamous family. Sure, her sisters can make clothes & they killed it on "Full House" in 1990, but Elizabeth is the one with the skills. She's a beauty (she eats) & she's supremely watchable.

Bachelor Recap: LADIES TELL ALL

IT.
IS.
ON.

The following must be said: I may write about this sh!t every week, but good god I would be horrified if I was in the audience watching these idiots rehash their "journeys" while explaining to everyone what they've learned about love.

Smile! We're going to D-listers for another 1.25 minutes!

Before we get into tonight's edition of "Women Studies: The Bottom of the Barrel", let's visit with our buddies from past Bachelor/Bachelorettes at a "mixer" in Vegas. The highlight for me has to be Frank & Ali's reunion. Why? Because Frank burned a DVD for me at work a few weeks back.

He's lovely in person, don't get me wrong, but seeing him on TV is AMAZEBALLS. It's the closest I'll get to watching a reality show starring my coworkers. Anyhoo, this segment is one big trailer for The Bachelor Pad Part 3. Who cares about these has-beens, let's get to tonight's almost has-beens.

To ground everyone in why we're here, let's remember that all of these "ladies" are fighting over a man that looks like an adult cabbage patch kid.

Thanks D-Mudd for the tip.

Yep.

Below you will find a series of my favorite observations:

The ladies whose names we don't know do the bulk of the talking. Maybe they're making up for lost time. Dunno. What I do know is that they're not bright, as in "I can read", but they sure are bright as in "I love the tanning bed".

Blonde 1 just called Blonde 2 a chihuahua (I have to agree with her, but I'm hoping to never hear either one of them speak again).

Emily is rockin' her very best COME HITHER dress, spouting off all kinds of epidemiologist-inspired advice. She finally says the one & only intelligent comment of the night, admitting she would not want to be with someone who would fall for Catalog Model's antics. Amen sista.

Side note: I wish we were hearing more from Jenna Jessica Parker. Remember her?

Dr. Rose tells Kacie B we all fell in love with her. Cut to me screaming at the TV - "NOPE".

As we near the end of The Bachelor: Courtney's Reality School Thesis, we watch the "ladies" play right into her hands. Come on girls! Nothing will make her seem more sympathetic then crying while being berated by 23 idiots whose reliance on non-sequiturs renders them virtually incoherent.

Side note: I'm pretty confident we heard her slip a bit with her "I <sniff sniff> cared about Ben...PAUSE...I care about him still." BOOM. He picks you. You dump him. Called it. A brilliant, brilliant performance worthy of a course at Harvard ala Jay Z's Hip Hop studies.

By the time Ben comes out it feels as if this show has been on for at least 3 hours. All of the "ladies" are throwing themselves at Ben one last time while he sits there looking as oafish as ever. I think my favorite moment has to be the video montage of Courtney & Ben with the picture-in-picture box featuring the audience mouthing things like "she's a terrible person" and "she's the worst".

Next week we wrap this sh!tshow up. I predict Courtney gets the rose & the ring at the end of hour 2 only to announce that they've broken up in the "After The Final Rose" ceremony (hour 3).

In related news, I also predict that Seal will not be there singing "Kissed by a Rose."